Is there something in your life you hold sacred? I hope so. But if that thing you hold secret is outside of you, then you have a problem.
When the thing you hold sacred is outside of you you have lost control. I for example, let’s say it’s your family or your marriage. And you decide that this is the sacred ground. You start doing everything in your life to make that thing, the family or the marriage, safe.
And when you try to make that thing safe you constantly need it feeding back to you that it’s okay. But all external feedback will be a mix of thank you and f you. Now, it starts to edge on the verge of greed.
Do you remember talking about the four substitutes for Innerwealth?
They are food and substance, greed, sexuality and spirituality. These are what’s called the four appetites. The stomach, the mind, the body and the spirit. When those four appetites are satisfied it is good. But we can become obsessed with these appetites when we feel empty. And that is why they can become substitute.
Fullness, or in other more easy language fulfilment and satisfaction or contentment the great default of all humanity. We are born rich and we die rich and we modify the form of that wealth throughout our lives. But we are always full. But because things get bent out of shape we start to think we are not full and start seeking. And habit of being dissatisfied can take over. When we cannot hold something sacred, we will always be dissatisfied and therefore be using substitutes to seek satisfaction.
When we make something outside of ourselves sacred we do it at a great cost. When we make something outside of ourselves sacred it means that we will sacrifice something, anything to preserve the safety of that thing that we have made safe and sacred. For example a person might sacrifice their self-respect in trying to preserve and make safe their relationship. Another person might make success sacred which is outside themselves and measured by income or accolade from the boss and therefore sacrifice anything to keep that sacred thing alive.
We all do it from time to time. We make a relationship or children or even our work and success in it all the money that flows from it the golden egg of our life and we surrender ourselves on the funeral Pyre to it. We make material life sacred at the cost of the human condition. But I am here to say that I would rather have the whole world against me than my own soul because I have been there.
I can tell you what it’s like to have my own soul against me. I can tell you what it’s like to make business sacred, to make relationships sacred, to make friendships sacred or make family sacred, to make money sacred or even physical health sacred. I can tell you what it’s like to make so many things sacred even knowledge at the cost of my heart and soul.
You might be confused with the word soul. I would understand that. I still don’t know what it means but I know how it expresses itself. It expresses its self in one human quality. Something that everything else within new stands. It is the teacher who shoulders you are standing on. It is a human quality within you that you see and believe is perfect, gifted to you at birth, and is worth sacrificing everything, to defend.
I once knew a man who was probably one of the most powerful men I’ve ever met. His presence and his physical size were huge. But this man became a bubbling mess in the presence of his spouse. All she needed to do was make one single negative comment toward him and he would become a pile of melted rubbish. With this he would react and proclaim what a bad person she was. And when I coached him I asked him to take her down off the pedestal. Because he had made his marriage sacred and therefore had a single source of self merit, her words.
No for a giant man to still need a mother was most surprising. But we all need a mother. The difference is it begins usually without birth parent, transfers at a young age to a group, then shift to a relationship and then transforms into the concept of self. The ultimate evolution of a person is when they recognise the need to mother themselves.
However, it can become stunted. In the case of the guy above, it was disguised in the form of making his his partner sacred. In the words of today’s article, he would rather have his soul against him than his partner, and therefore by default his children. This made him needy. He would rather sacrifice his own self-respect in order to gain the respect of her. It also made him very vulnerable to whatever she thought or whatever she said. Because no matter what he did he was asking for approval.
Conflict is a terrible thing. But most of it comes from feeling small. When a person puts somebody else on a pedestal they are automatically making themselves small. In the heart of a man who is still asking his partner to play mummy is a little boy a little boy with a big body. In and in this case and he will subordinates himself and and she will become mentally and emotionally exhausted.
In the story above I have used the example of a man. But women can equally make other women their mother. I’ve written the story in the nature of gender but it is transgender. Equally when a woman makes another woman on a pedestal as a mother figure, she will experience the exact same.
If two people set themselves and claim equality one of them is not necessary. The need to allocate and respect authority in a relationship is important. But this authority is more process orientated than it is emotional. Love between two people requires emotional equality.
And now we can turn this conversation back to work. If a person empowers their partner to play mummy, they will put their partner on a pedestal and therefore they have to put themselves on a pedestal at work. And automatically there will be conflict at work as well. A person who puts their partner on a pedestal at home and does not put themselves on a pedestal at work, will search the world trying to find a pedestal to put themselves on. If a person put themselves up as superior in one aspect of life they must automatically put themselves down in another.
At the centre point, the place where we do not put others on pedestals or ourselves on pedestals is what’s called the human heart.
The human heart, when it is open, does not feel inferior or superior. It is like the king or queen and it has faithful servants to do its work. The mind and the body. Emotions then become the communication system between the heart and the mind and the body. And we become mindful of the emotions we have because we want to communicate clearly to the mind and the body what we want done. And if the heart contains anger then the messages it sends to the mind and the body contain anger and therefore the toxins that produces disease.
Therefore, your heart is the core of your deepest humanity.
That is the end of this episode.
Love and wisdom, Chris.