Episode 95. Leaders are in as much danger from those who work under them as from those that compete against them. Todays episode is brought to you by the universal law of harmony. What you repress others express.
When you are standing at a railway station in a crowd and somebody is pushing against you did you know that if you weren’t pushing back you would fall over? When we think thoughts such as positive thinking that are designed to be the opposite of a negative thought we give the negative thought the same power as we give the positive. For example criticism and compliment. If we compliment because we believe criticism is bad, then we are acting in a state of polarity. We are empowering the negative.
If on the other hand we see the benefit of criticism as well as the benefit of positive thinking compliment then we have a choice. And when we choose either criticism or compliment we are not empowering the opposite. It is interesting to witness the behaviour of people around you. They will always express what you repress. Repressing something means not seeing the balance in it or gratitude for it. If you are being kind because you don’t like people who are unkind, your kindness is a polarity that empowers the unkind people in your world and they will express it. However, if you are being kind but you see the benefit of being unkind from time to time, then you are choosing kindness rather than polarising towards it. This is a very important thing.
As a leader you will govern many different personalities and the more people you lead the more you will come to experience the diversity of emotional states of operating. Inasmuch as you must be able to lead these people if you become polarised you will empower those who think and behave in ways you don’t like and they will become disloyal. Loyalty is something you can buy.
In the Innerwealth loyalty, commitment and motivation program, we describe a process that is formatted to explain the process and individual goes through when contemplating their loyalty to you as a leader and to the business. Let me go through it briefly.
There are five columns in the loyalty commitment and motivational program. The first column is the job description what is required of the individual. This includes everything including their REM. In the third column is the individuals vision. Basically everything they want in the next 12 to 18 months in all seven areas of their life put in some form of hierarchy from most to least important. The fifth column, is the company or team vision. Again using the seven areas of life the team will compose a vision for the company will present a vision of what it wants in all seven areas of life. Now comes the challenge. In the second column we ask individuals to link there individual job descriptions and R.E.M. to the fifth column, how does doing your job get you what you want in your life. This creates self-reliance. It creates self-motivation. But it is unsatisfactory in building teamwork. To build teamwork one must ask how does column one build column five. How does doing what is in column one build column five links the individual to the team and if this is not clear the individual will operate for personal interest rather than collaborative interest and this is a problem as well. I know this sounds a little unsophisticated but it is really a great workshop exercise.
Living in a world of polarities, it’s called the world of duality, it is easy as a leader to start operating in a certain mindset while judging the opposite mindset as wrong. As you may already experience from doing that there is a massive ingratitude taking place. When we say one way of acting or being or thinking is wrong, we basically say there is no benefit to it and therefore it is polarised to the opposite of what we think is good. This is the complete opposite to what we are teaching. When we polarise one behaviour to one extreme and polarise the opposite behaviour to the opposite extreme of being really bad, we empower the negative. We are trying not to be violent in this way but instead say I will not participate in the negative because I choose not to, rather than because I think it’s bad. The person who struggles with mental health and emotional struggles, is always operating in duality. This duality is unacceptable at a certain level of leadership we call above the glass ceiling. You cannot operate above the glass ceiling in duality. Duality is what binds people below the glass ceiling.
Gratitude raises the body. Ingratitude weighs the body. Have you noticed how many people who operate in duality are overweight? Or have eating disorders? Ingratitude makes a person feel heavy and then they start trying to reduce their body weight thinking that the heaviness comes from overweight but really it’s in gratitude. Sometimes these people are very committed to operating with good thoughts and not operating with bad thoughts and wishes that teaching they are an grateful for the negative and only grateful for the positive and as you can see become, through well-meaning therapy and self-help, locked in to duality which is the cause of them feeling heavy. The opposite is completely true too.
When you feel thankful for both loyalty and disloyalty, when you feel thankful for both productivity and lost time, when you feel thankful for people making an effort even though it isn’t good enough, you may choose not to except them in your team but you do not feel ungrateful. All ingratitude leads to tiredness and heaviness in the body. Sometimes when I am riding my bike on the road and I am riding up the hill and I feel a bit wounded, I begin to think that I’ve chosen the wrong bike or not writing correctly and I become ungrateful. The more I’m grateful I feel while I’m riding the heavier I feel and the slower the bike goes and it feels finally like I am pulling lead up a hill. Ingratitude weighs the body.
Sometimes, as a leader, people don’t do as you expect. If you go back to vision inspiration and purpose and remember the messaging around this you will note, especially from my recent videos of this topic that you need to be on compromised in your vision, totally compromised in your inspiration, and absolutely certain about your purpose. Let’s just discuss this around this topic of duality. I know with absolute belief where I’m going in my life. I know the mountains I want to climb the businesses I want to create and the books I want to write and the people I want to bring the Innerwealth work of universal laws of nature to. This will not be compromised on either a daily or a yearly basis. I grow this vision but I’ve never ever compromise it. If I compromise my vision the loyalty commitment and motivational process I described above collapses and I become disloyal to both myself and the world around me. I lose motivation. So I don’t compromise my vision. Inspiration however is a different story.
Inspiration is the ability to listen to my inner voice. That inner voice wants to be right here in this moment right here now perfectly here without any emotion right now. Now there is a gap between this ambition to be inspired and my expectations. And this is where the word compromise is really important because if you hold onto your expectations and they are not met then you lose the ability to be in the moment fully present turned up right here and now inspir. So those are the expectations that can be compromised. If you say I want my children to behave themselves at the dinner table in order for me to feel fully present and turned up in spite in this moment then the children are going to dictate your levels of inspiration. But if you say no matter what the kids do I will stay in this beautiful state of non-violent presence, I will stay inspired no matter what happens, you compromise your expectations but you do not compromise your level of presence, love, inspiration, and gratitude. These four words might resonate with you as being powerful and they make you feel likeable and light.
In order to put some structure around vision and inspiration that can sometimes compete with each other in terms of where am I going and what am I doing? It is necessary to create a lighthouse on the horizon that both your vision and your inspiration are subordinate to. It is a well-known fact for a mountain here that the vision might be to climb a particular mountain but it’s very dangerous for that person to climb that particular mountain and have no greater goal in life. It is also very dangerous for a person to build a business or have a career with nothing greater than that in their life. A person who says I want to be the best at work, empowers their work and without it they are nothing. Or a person who says I want to build a great family and have happy kids are nothing when the kids are not happy. These attachments, mentioned above in the concept of duality, are doomed because there is two sides to everything and when we placed all our eggs in a one-sided outcome in a game that has a two sided outcome, we are asking for broken eggs. So instead, we put a lighthouse on the horizon at the point of infinity. The beautiful thing about having a purpose sitting on the horizon at infinity is that the closer you get to it the further it gets away. The more you do the bigger it gets the further it gets. There is a great quote that says the more you know the more you know you don’t know. And this is absolutely the truth when it comes to your purpose in life, the more you do it, the more you know there’s more to do. My purpose in life is to open hearts throughout the world. I’ve been doing it for 35 years and what I’ve learnt in 35 years is that they are far more hearts to open now than I ever were before and I’m getting the capability to open more hearts and as I do, sharing the ideas of the vision from the heart and inspiration from the heart, there are more people who need to have their heart open. The more skills I get the more people there are in need those skills. So this concept of having an infinit lighthouse on the horizon that gets further away the closer you get to it allows us to have a non-dualistic outcome in our lives that puts the rest of our life in a beautiful beautiful context. And this is for a leader is very important.
In many philosophies there is the concept of tithing, giving away some percentage of your income to a charity. The philosophy behind this is exactly the concept of purpose. That not everything we do is just for ourselves or our family, nor is there anything wrong with releasing a percentage of our time and work to something that we do not get rewarded for. You will see with many of the advertisements on TV that encourage you to give your money to the RSPCA, to the WWF, to African relief fund, to the Red Cross and many more that there is a payback for such donation and these organisations are doing their very best to reward you for your donation, the charity I support in Nepal, sunrise children’s Association, also sends families pictures of the children they are supporting. All of this is somewhat of a distortion of the true meaning of tithing. When are used to run workshops each weekend called the real spirit program, I would have 30 people for three days in a retreat environment doing what is now the 30 day challenge. One aspect of that program was that each person would bring a five dollar note to the room and then they would leave the room and drop it anywhere on the street and walk away quickly. And never look back. The complaint about this was that somebody wealthy might find it and then the five dollars would not have as much power as it would have is if it was given to a charity where there was extreme need. And this is really important to witness how we feel about giving money to those who needed. We become attached to the judgement of where it is best spent. But like your purpose in life you cannot judge who needs and who doesn’t need and who is ready and who is not ready.
I would give the example of a multimillionaire finding a five dollar note on the street, feeling somewhat lucky and gifted and taking that want to their office where they are talking about paying people and building buildings or doing whatever they do and become old just a little bit more friendly with their whole approach and so just five dollars can make a difference in thousands of people’s lives because it was found by a multimillionaire who felt lucky for a moment. And it is the same with kindness. You might say that that happy person over there in the corner enjoying themselves doesn’t need kindness because they are already happy but the truth of the matter is a little bit more kindness might temple their happiness into a form of pay it forward and you don’t know where that will go. I believe in my heart of hearts that goodness, not the polarity of badness but simply choosing to be kind with people, makes and huge difference in both our own life and the lives of those we are kind to as long as we don’t choose who that person is but more over, be kind to as many people as possible and let it, like the five dollar note, land in the life of another person you will never understand. This is the concept of a purpose greater than ourselves. We cannot be attached to the outcome.
As a leader, is easy to operate below the glass ceiling in the world of duality, becoming polarised into good and bad right and wrong happy and sad, and bounce one behaviour off the other. But it is far wiser to be witnessing the benefit and therefore have gratitude for all things, all behaviours all challenges all disagreements all complications and see the benefit of everything but then choose a behaviour that you believe will make a difference aligned with your purpose in life. It is not just money that we tithe, we can sometimes tithe time, but most importantly we can tithe through our attitude to others. That’s the beginning of the purpose that brings vision and inspiration together.
To close this I want to share a workshop exercise that I used to do that it was extremely confronting. I would get people to bring a gift of some important description that they had with them, not go to the shop and Byatt but something they had with them already, and handed to another person in the room they thought would appreciate it. People would go home and bring back something that was quite significant to them all their past and choose the person that they thought would appreciate it. Once the gifting ceremony had been finished and everybody had received something from someone, I would then ask the receiver of the gift to choose another person in the room and give it to them. The protests were outstanding. People were very angry that their precious present that they had given with love and kindness to somebody was now going to be given to somebody else. It just goes to reveal to all of us the difference between true leadership and leadership that comes from below the glass ceiling that is bound up in duality and emotion. If you as a leader give somebody some kindness and then they disrespect that kindness, there’s not a bad thing but they will, if you believe the laws of the universe, pay it forward and so that kindness generosity or whatever you have given travels to another destination sometimes outside of the view of your own eyes. The belief in this is very important. Do you believe this?
That is the end of this episode, with spirit, Chris Walker.