Episode 84. Events are events until we judge them otherwise. Brought to you by the universal law of balance.
With all the Innerwealth work if you could learn just this one principle it would change your entire way of living and entire way of life. Firstly let me begin with the understanding that nature abhors a vacuum. That’s the first step in understanding events are events until we judge them otherwise.
Let’s start with the most simplistic situation we can. Let’s say somebody you know is very very ill. You feel that it is your responsibility to jump in and rescue them or help them in anyway possible. Based on this premise you proceed and you get involved. You’ve judged the situation as being in need of help and you’ve become that help. Two things have happened: the first is that you have used an emotional judgement to determine what is your best course of action. The second is that you have decided to be the facilitator of that course of action.
The first of these to implies that there is a judgement you have been free to make. That helping as someone who is ill is a choice rather than an obligation. These things are called Memes. Memes are judgements we make that we feel we have no choice but to make them because it is “The right thing to do.” But that is a cultural norm. One that we can choose or not choose to obey. And I will talk about this in a moment.
The second choice is that you decided to be the person who should step in and help this person who needs it. Again this is based on a meme of not leaving things to chance and stepping up. This again is a choice.
Both of these choices are based on human conscience. Conscience is built on the paradigm that we should be guilty if we do not Abbe social norms. Now, being obedient to social norms is a very good way to remain passive and compliant. It isn’t necessarily the most powerful way to live nor is it the most powerful way to evolve self or other. So you can see there might be a conflict at some point between being free of guilt and being authentic in purpose.
Now go back to the first choice. What happens if you do not step in and help somebody who is ill? There are so many things that might go on in your head but let’s talk about something a little more reliable. What really goes on in the world when you do not step in to become the caregiver when somebody is ill?
There is a way of dealing with this situation quite differently. The first is to recognise that your obligations are purely Memes and that you have none except if you don’t want the backlash of retribution from a person who is ill and gets better and blames you for not stepping in when they wanted you to. That’s probably a different conversation. But in terms of your obligation to step in when somebody’s not well, or struggling with life, or struggling in anyway shape or form there is another way to look at this.
Because if you step in every time there is trouble in anybody’s life in your proximity in life you are going to be very very distracted from what you’ve committed to do as a leader or a parent or a partner. While you tend to the woes of those who are struggling with life you are not tending to yourself and to those people in your closest proximity. So although you may feel obligated to become mother Theresa to everybody who is got a splinter in their foot it might be a very expensive approach to life.
There is the universal principle of abundance. And it goes something like this. Nature abhors a vacuum. What does that mean? It means if you don’t step in and rescue somebody somebody else will. Now, you may wish to dominate and control the form of that stepping in and rescuing and therefore keep it in your hot hands but at this point in time you must realise you are the one gaining benefit from stepping in rather than being philanthropic and altruistic in stepping in you help people. You are doing it for your own satisfaction or control.
As you involved in your business life you will get clarity on the fact that you cannot get involved with everybody who is needing rescuing. At some point you need to ask people to do due diligence themselves to turn up. This point in your business career is called the glass ceiling. Very often people blame gender or old school leadership for this glass ceiling but it is not true. The glass ceiling is a barrier that must be passed through for gender to matter no more. Above the glass ceiling the behaviour of both men and women of all diverse gender is pretty much the same at the top end of all business. We become people rather than men and women. At this point there are codes that will allow us to get a lot done in a very short period of time. If we operate above this glass ceiling the way we did below the glass ceiling we will carry forward a lot of opinions, emotions, rescuing, compassion, and a lot of other things that are highly functional below the glass ceiling but dysfunctional above it. At the top end Sport and business performance there is a glass ceiling above which a lot of the things that mattered below that ceiling don’t matter any more. And one of them is rescuing others.
The universal law that says nothing is missing just changes in form gives us freedom to let go of being the one who steps in to be the caregiver. Whether it’s a business problem or a personal problem we do not have to fill that breach because we know that nature will find someone or something to fill it, 100% guaranteed. Nature abhors a vacuum.
When we engage in this type of conversation it is very very emotional for some people because they believe their behaviour in the case of rescuing others is right. They believe that any argument to the contrary is trying to make them wrong. But this right and wrong is at the core of a lot of misadventure in life. The right and wrong is self induced. There are no rules that are generic when it comes to Memes. So the topic of conversation is not whether a person is right or wrong by stepping in to help people when they are sick, but that they are making a choice, a conscious voluntary choice to be distracted and take on board the responsibility to be the rescuer or caregiver for somebody who is going through some personal stuff. And because it is a personal choice there is also a personal cost. Because while we are rescuing or helping somebody who is ill we are not paying attention to somebody else who may not be ill but we did commit to giving attention and to such as a partner, a business or ourselves for that matter.
That’s the end of this episode. If you find anything here that confronts you please feel free to bring it up in your weekly coaching session.